weapon69

I don't know anything of lozgti1 so I'm making a generalisation but getting back together once you've had solicitors,courts, police, arrests between the parties is never going to work is it? Not to mention the reasons they initially separated for. The only people I know that have a successful friendship with their ex are when one or both of them have new partners. It's exceptionally difficult to break the cycle of winding each other up but clean break is the only way!

dpb

Maybe console her with a breakup ****

Turbohot

Going by Loz's posts here, I think he can do with having it out with his ex-missus like two adults, and do the right thing.

In all fairness, he's the one who knows himself the best and the most. He'll do what's best for him.

lozgti1

Perhaps you will be there one day.I sincerely hope not but I knew the holier than thou would appear

lozgti1

Sorry

Nothing to do with you Weapon ,but I have really realised,being nice is not the way to go :-(

hodgy0_2

What time did she get?

Turbohot

weapon69

I wouldn't assume too much.

I hope things improve for you soon

lozgti1

Cheers.Only reason for lots of emails was she wouldnt answer the telephone or let the children ring

Anyway,that is by the by.Never been here before,hope I never an again!

lozgti1

Lol.Will find out and end up in a cell again!!

lozgti1

And apologies.

Passionate time

hodgy0_2

Lol, don't risk it

(Ask any runner who has done the LM - it is the first question they ask)

On a serious note we have some close family friends (4 children, married 25 odd years) going through this

It is ****, - but keep strong, and I am sure you will get through it

lozgti1

Tell you what,without you bunch of nutters on a subaru car entusiast forum,no idea how I would have stayed sane

Really! Thanks all.Every single post appreciated

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

Ah the Police, don't you just love them, soft target every time. Most people amble along through life thinking we have a great system until they find themselves on the wrong side of the law, then they realise what an **** the system is.

Admittedly you've done yourself no favours and I partly agree with some of the sentiments about you trying to get a reaction although I understand your frustration that led to your actions but being a lawyer you should have known better really.

Time to put your sensible head on, now you know what I was talking about when I said "never under estimate the lengths some people will go to to get back at you"

You need to stop all contact with her, regardless of how much she insists she's sorry and it won't happen again, that includes her friends and relatives.

Start legal proceedings.

You also need to realise that she's not going to let you see the kids for a while and the more you protest, the more mental you'll look to the "authorities" and the less chance you'll have of seeing them, so you need to be a picture of calm, because now you have "form" and are now perceived as the "un-reasonable" one by the system so you had better tread "Very" carefully if you want to get access this side of your kids 16th/18th birthdays.

Sad but true.

Indifferent is how you need to be, anything else and it will explode in your face.

Good luck and stay strong for yourself and your kids as they need at least one sane parent at this very difficult time and having a mental at your ex no matter how un-reasonable she is is not going to help anyone.

lozgti1

I know

You are spot on with all of it

Just so painful with kids involved

Will follow the advice.Does not matter if I am a lawyer or not .At the end of the day.I am a dad missing his kids.Lawyer head gone well out the window.lol

Turbohot

Just a few more comments on such situations in general, Weapon.

You are quite right there. I think even when some relationships with such horrible experiences may mend, the cracks are always left behind.

I agree that it is exceptionally difficult to break the cycle of getting at each other, and other thing that happens is that it causes a tremendous amount of insecurity for both parties involved. Even when some people patch up, forgive and forget, distorted behaviours such as having other hidden relationships, contingency plan B, C and D and so on, or other new agenda etc. may start, in order to heal the wounds of insecurity. Some relationships start to corrode first, due to such reasons, and then comes the divorce, and even after that, the continuous fight for value and attention from the two adults involved.

Ideally, clean break is the only way, but that's not the OP's case at all. With the baggage he has, of his unresolved issues over his ended relationship with his wife, I don't think he should consider himself a 'single' man, until it's all sorted for him. I feel sorry for his female LM runner mate who got embroiled in that situation, and faced such an embarrassment and violent threats.

Generally speaking, a woman/man should steer well clear of the guy/girl who still keeps close contact with his ex and perhaps gives the impression to his/her the newly discovered female/male 'friends' that he/she is a clear cut free agent. As you can see from the OP's example, even the new platonic friends aren't spared of the victimisation due to the couple's fvvked up circumstances, never mind new lovers.

I agree with AliB that the victim runner girl should report OP's wife's side threats to the Police. She has no reason to forgive the OP and his wife's mess that caused her grief. With that, there's a good chance that both husband and wife would get a reason to join their forces, and label her as a bunny boiler trouble maker for going to the Police, but she shouldn't give a fvvk to all that. No one deserves to be treated like that for someone who remains so mixed up and confused.

Not the case for every divorced and in-touch estranged adults with or without children, though.

Good luck to the OP with however he deals with his situation. If he thinks the world of his kids, he'll minimise stress and confusion for them; one way or other.

weapon69

In heated circumstances such as the op's , getting 'even' is usually on the agenda. She's had him arrested and caused trouble and embarrassment for a mate and in his mind he probably wished the same fate on her. At some point, one of the parties has to take the moral high ground and step out of it. Very difficult when there are kids and a strong feeling of unfairness. Otherwise it can (and will) go on for years. Unfortunately he will have to go to the courts (to my mind) as even if they reconcile, it could all kick off again and it's back to sh!tty emails and contact bans.

It is possible to despise and love someone in equal measure, it can change day to day, week to week if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would have done things a lot differently with my ex (who I have children with).

Hope some of this is helpful lozgti

ScoobyWon't

I dealt with so many cases that were just as you described. The man always comes off worse unless he can prove anything or at least demonstrate that it's a "He said, she said" dispute that the CPS will not want to touch.

My advice to you, and any men in a similar position, is to have a diary to record any contact, or even better an electronic log of the same. If you can demonstrate that the female has been in contact, dates/times etc and show evidence e.g. text messages, emails, voice mail, the police and CPS will see she's also been engaging in a course of conduct, which if you can show was violating an individual's dignity or creating an interrogating, degrading, hostile offensive or humiliating environment. Physical conduct,
verbal conduct, and non-verbal conduct all count. If she texts you or leaves you voicemail, type it out in to a Word document, or similar, as it will save the police officer from having to transpose it and he/she will be grateful for the time you have saved them. It's good to have a police officer on your side, as s/he'll want to get rid of a messy dispute ASAP. After you've transposed these communications, save them on your phone, so you can let the police verify them.

I'm really surprised you went straight to court, that must be a relief, as most cases like this ended up with the man on bail, while the woman goes on a mission to destroy the man's reputation, e.g. slagging him off, telling people he beats her, turning the kids against him. One job I know of, saw the fella on bail for six months, as the woman kept inventing new witnesses who needed to be interviewed. Her allegations were actually thrown out once the chap handed over a huge file of documents, a diary of her conduct towards him, receipts which backed up his diary etc.

Good luck. It's going to get worse until she learns that her lies have been exposed.

donny andi

iTrader: (3)

Perfect fella
I said the same ish by pm yesterday as I went through it years ago.
Fortunately for me her best mate recorded her bragging she was out to ruin me and handed it over to me like a true saint.
Without it my life would of been a different one .
The people who you least expect to help are normally the ones who step up and show good

lozgti1

Cheers Weapon,and everyone else

Really appreciated

Some sensible heads on this site unlike me!