This morning I decide that I am going to fix one of the bathroom cisterns that takes many flushes to flush, if you know what I mean?

Simple job, made a bit harder by the fact that the cistern sits on the loo back shelf thingy.

Turn off the water - but, of course a stop-cock thats not been used for 16 years simply doesn't turn anymore ..... then when you finally get it to turn by putting a 1metre long steel rod through it as a lever you realise that it hasn't shut all the water off anyway! :rolleyes:

Get down to the cistern, unscrew it off the wall so it is now loose 'ish.

Undo the main feed in - and the overflow pipe out (which is actually not fixed anyway! :rolleyes:

Undo one wing nut - no bother ... get to the other, friggin rusted SOLID!! FFS! :rolleyes: The stupid bloody builders who built my house down to a cost rather than up to a quality had twisted the rubber seal when they assembled it 16 years ago and 16 years worth of seepage has caused a rusty mess!! :(

OK, time for the hammer to whack the wing nut to shock it into submission - WHACK, WHACK, WHACK ... oh ... **** just hit the Loo Pot a nice crack runs along the side of it :cry: :cry:

RIGHT you ******* - WHACK again, WD40, WHACK ..... another missed aim and the pot takes another direct hit! FFS!! :cry:

Eventually the wing nut loosens and it is forced down 2" of rusty bolt :rolleyes: which takes 45minutes!! :(

Lift the cistern off - bloody hell, it's heavy ..... maybe due to the water still in it (why the hell I didn't flush the loo first bewilders me!!) .... anyway, as I am trying to balance the cistern on the edge of the basin I slip on the water that is now spewing out of the inlet pipe :( The cistern lands on my chest and the contents (blue due to a new loo block) runs all over me :(

Thats a shirt and trousers ruined!! :cry:

I finally pick myself up but realise that the water is seeping through onto the dining room ceiling ..... I quickly mop up and flush the other 3 loos in the house and turn all the cold taps on ... phew!! Should have done that first!! :thumb:

Now time to dismantle the bits ...... the main flush plastic lumpy thingy comes out with the release of a massive nylon nut on the bottom ...... it pulls out nicely.

Take it to the Local DIY shop .. the diaphram is split, as I suspected, BUT its a square one that the DIY shop man has never seen before!! Oh, fooookin great!! :rolleyes: BUT, he has got all the pieces that were just a rusty mess - I buy these for a considerable sum :(

Go to second DIY shop - they haven't got the square diaphram either!! :rolleyes:

I will stick some ducktape over the split, that should do it .... go home to reassemble.

Assemble it all together at home, hanging back on the wall .... decide to do a clever job and re-new all the ballcock valve washers and stuff - cos I'm clever like that! :rolleyes: Out I go and buy a refurbishment kit ........ all this time the water is still dribbling out of the inlet pipe all over the bathroom floor because the stopcock hasn't sealed off :(

Right, back home and the ballcock bits get my attention ..... assemble them with new bits - whoooopie, but that little plastic bent water outlet into the tank is at an angle which lets the water run out over the valve assembly and therefore makes a noise ..... I'll just twist it so water runs quietly - twist, SNAP!! FFS!!! :rolleyes:

Back out to the DIY shop :( ....... this visit he says, "I know why you are back!"

I say, "No you don't!"

Back he comes with some words I did NOT want to hear, "Yes I do, you left your return spring here when you were in last!" OH FFS!!! :cry:

I return home with old spring - which now means taking it all back off the sodding wall again :rolleyes: .... and a new plastic water outlet piece :thumb:

45minutes later and its all back correct ..... turn water on full and flush the loo ................... was it worth it? Well, NO - because it still takes 3 flushes before it will flush :( :( Obviously duck taped up diaphrams don't work as well as new :(

Spend some of your vast salary on a plumber.

pmsl :) that really cheered me up

A veritable nightmare!

I had to do the same job a few months ago. FFS a new siphon unit with diaphram is only about £10.

a new siphon unit with diaphram is only about £10.

I've just looked - and ScrewFix do them for £3:29!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(

OK, three things to do:

1. Turn off water OUTSIDE the property, and get a new stopcock fitted/fit one yourself. I like the new plastic ones........
Failure to do the above COULD mean major problems if you have a real flood:(

2. You can PROBABLY MAKE a new diaphragm, using heavy duty polythene, sold as dpc, and the old one as a template, but I wouldn't, I'd.........

3. Purchase a COMPLETE new loo. Not that dear, almost silent and quick filling, no diaphragm on the flush, quicker flush, uses less water, can have 3/6 litre flush, most use push button flush. Oh, and most modern ones don't need an overflow, it overflows if necessary staight down the pan;)

And lastly, ALWAYS fit loos with STAINLESS screws, washers,etc. I even replace the wingnuts and coachbolts that hold it all together with stainless ones from Screwfix.;) Doesn't matter even if you p*ss all over them, you can still undo them if necessary, even ten years later.

Hint: I don't recommend actually p*ssing on them, it makes them smell........:D

Alcazar

You are...

stupid enough to start a job without looking over it properly to assess you will be able to start what you finish

stupid enough to take a hammer to a small wingnut that is placed right next to the highly breakable and even more work to replace toilet bowl TWICE

too feeble to undertake the job in the first place - even I can lift one of those

moronic enough to wear a suit and trousers thst you dont want ruined to do DIY

lazy and moronic enough to not buy the spare parts before you start the job

then, instead of getting the job done properly, you give up like a big girls blouse and prattle on about your ineptness here

sorry, which bit weren't we supposed to laugh at :wonder: :lol1: :hjtwofing

You are...

stupid enough to start a job without looking over it properly to assess you will be able to start what you finish

stupid enough to take a hammer to a small wingnut that is placed right next to the highly breakable and even more work to replace toilet bowl TWICE

too feeble to undertake the job in the first place - even I can lift one of those

moronic enough to wear a suit and trousers thst you dont want ruined to do DIY

lazy and moronic enough to not buy the spare parts before you start the job

then, instead of getting the job done properly, you give up like a big girls blouse and prattle on about your ineptness here

sorry, which bit weren't we supposed to laugh at :wonder: :lol1: :hjtwofing

A bit harsh, bd:( Even PS Lewis wouldn't be that harsh..........on second thoughts...............:D

Alcazar

A bit harsh, bd:( Even PS Lewis wouldn't be that harsh..........on second thoughts...............:D

Alcazar

precisely :lol1:

Pete, your longest ever post ?!

You think that's bad ~ I "let out" my house prior to travelling round the world last year, so stayed at my mum's house for 3 weeks before setting off on my travels. I decided to help my mum with some DIY..........

Replaced a shower hose and a washer in the bathroom tap without incident.
Then I decided to replace the washer in the kitchen sink, which had a feeble flow (is that familiar by the way Pete ?) regardless of where the pressure was set.

Thought I'd done the job ok. Came back to the empty house the next day after a wee shopping trip and went for a glass of water. Turned the tap and the handle of the tap came off in my hand and then was thrown against the ceiling by the mains water pressure !! :eek: I had a dilemma ; I needed to go for the phone, but when I moved my hands away from what was now a jet off water, it bounced off the ceiling and started to spray my mum's new computer with a lovely fine mist of water !! :(

Ultimately had no choice but to go for phone, but the plumber didn't turn up for an hour and I couldn't turn the rusted stopcock an inch !! :cry: Thankfully my Dad came to the rescue with a supersized wrench, at which point my mum, sister, her kids and I were all trying to mop up the ankle deep water from my mum's kitchen.

The kitchen units have had to be replaced, parts of the computer (they're tougher than you might think !) plus the livingroom laminate doesn't look at all well !

All in a 3 week stay !:freak3: :o

Andy Mc

Pete you are a pikey. Why not call in a plumber and then try to deal a deal involving a dag. You do like dags?

sounds like something frank spencer would do:norty:

try to deal a deal involving a dag. You do like dags?

Huh ?? :confused: Am I the only one too dolly dimple to understand this ?

Lift the cistern off - bloody hell, it's heavy ..... maybe due to the water still in it (why the hell I didn't flush the loo first bewilders me!!) .... anyway, as I am trying to balance the cistern on the edge of the basin I slip on the water that is now spewing out of the inlet pipe :( The cistern lands on my chest and the contents (blue due to a new loo block) runs all over me :(

would have thought this would have been no problem to an 18 stone, ex doorman gorilla?:rolleyes:

or is it the fact you are actually a 10 stone IT nerd weakling?:wonder:

I'm 20 stone NOT a feeble 18!! :rolleyes:

BrumDaisy - even though you are, do I ever call you a tramp? So, don't call me stupid :D

alcazar - thanks for the tips ;)

GC8 - WTF are you going on about?? dags?? dags?? You really are on a planet all your own, aren't you? :D

You are...

stupid enough to start a job without looking over it properly to assess you will be able to start what you finish

stupid enough to take a hammer to a small wingnut that is placed right next to the highly breakable and even more work to replace toilet bowl TWICE

too feeble to undertake the job in the first place - even I can lift one of those

moronic enough to wear a suit and trousers thst you dont want ruined to do DIY

lazy and moronic enough to not buy the spare parts before you start the job

then, instead of getting the job done properly, you give up like a big girls blouse and prattle on about your ineptness here

sorry, which bit weren't we supposed to laugh at :wonder: :lol1: :hjtwofing


:luxhello: :luxhello: :luxhello: :luxhello: :luxhello:

Well said Brum.

... where's that smug gif when you need it.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Andy

I'm 20 stone NOT a feeble 18!! :rolleyes:

BrumDaisy - even though you are, do I ever call you a tramp? So, don't call me stupid :Dalcazar - thanks for the tips ;)

GC8 - WTF are you going on about?? dags?? dags?? You really are on a planet all your own, aren't you? :D

Ummm :wonder:

So according to you, your post shows that you are not stupid :cuckoo:
and you have a post of mine, which Im sure you are willing to show us all, that proves I am a tramp...

....waiting :hjtwofing

Pete, I know it's Christmas, but I just have to :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

I just kept thinking of Frank spencer too :lol1:

Happy Christmas Peter! :)

FSL..........Frankie Spencer Lewis.:lol1: :lol1: :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

engineer lewis??

bob the bodger by all accounts....

didn't really approach the job properly did we,

and you still haven't ascertained the root cause of the problem, or fixed the associated damage...


what you should have done was fitted an inline valve, so you can shut the water off when you do the job again, and you will have to trust me..


worringly enough you still have a fubarred main stopcock that needs fixing,

so what did that cost you....


for us





PRICELESS:D:D:D:D:D:



Mart:D

Dags Pete, dags! D'ya no like dags?

lol at GC8
"you can keep that fat wanker! the lads cant lift him"
bloody love SNATCH!

Well Done Pete - made me laugh :D

your work here is done! :D

DAn

All read was, sixteen years of seepage !

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/images/400/somemothers_2.jpg

You are a funny lot ;) :D

Pete, what you need is some prunes and apricots. Once your bowels have loosened up a bit it shouldn't take 3 flushes any more.

That all sounded a bit like the barrel of bricks on a pulley at the building site.

Keep it up PSL!

Les :)